Wednesday, June 18, 2008

What if Jonah had been sent to the Anglicans instead of the Ninevites?

"Jonah?"

"Yes, LORD."

"It approaches the end of forty days and the Ninevites have not repented. Prepare to leave the city before..."

"Listen, LORD, about that. How hard-and-fast is that forty day time limit?"

"Hard. And fast."

"The Ninevites were wondering if they could get an extension."

"A what?"

"An extension. More time."

"Why?"

"Well, frankly, LORD, and I mean this with the greatest respect, you know that. I mean, anybody that can create a fish just to swallow me up has got it going on, you know what I'm saying? But forty days is nowhere near time enough for Nineveh to repent."

"Help me out here, Jonah. I know that I, YHWH, am only the Creator of the entire universe and everything in it. But it seems to me that if I, YHWH, the Creator of the entire universe and everything in it, tell you to repent, you either do or you don't. Up or down."

"LORD, it's way more complicated than that. Here, it takes a lot longer."

"Once again. Why?"

"For one thing, the Nineveh Commission isn't anywhere close to finishing its work."

"What in the world is that?"

"That's the commission that's going all over Nineveh and the Assyrian Empire getting input from all segments of Assyrian society in order to put together a considered response to your request."

"A considered response!!"

Read the whole thing here.

FEELING: Like that's a sadly accurate portrayal of the Anglican Communion
LISTENING TO: A smelly "representative" from the Democratic National Committee stand in my doorway trying to convince Zach to vote for Obama [on your shoulder] -- no, seriously

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